I have been emailing with my Dad for the first time in over ten years. As I mentioned in a previous post, he asked for forgiveness for shutting me out for being gay and asked for a chance at a relationship. In order for me to have a worthy relationship I felt I needed to be open and honest about my family. This meant explaining that my spouse is a transgender man and so is my secondary partner and that together we are a polyamorous triad.
Explaining this to a man who was, and likely still is, a conservative Christian and only just came to accept the thought of a lesbian daughter is a tall order. (I decided not to go into my identity as genderqueer. It seemed like too much and I don’t care if he uses female pronouns for me.) So I wrote an email carefully describing my family and its structure. I told my Dad it was up to him what he wanted to do with this information. I appreciated him reaching out to me and that will always mean a lot to me. I sent the email off and prepared for at least a confused, struggling message back or something worse.
My Dad responded in a way that I never expected. He wrote back with humor. He made jokes. Gentle, funny jokes that were supportive and some at his own expense. He made a joke how it must be awful to go bed shopping! O.o It was funny and charming. He didn’t flip out. He accepted that this was the way I live and that to have a relationship with me he had to be okay with that. He likely thinks it is wrong but he doesn’t bother to say so. I respect that. He made a crack that I couldn’t just be a boring lesbian but he ended it with a smiley face so I knew it was a gentle jab.
I never expected this. I’m not prepared for this. I had accepted that he would never be comfortable with me. That our relationship would never be a possibility. Now I’m starting to hope. I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is possible for us to have a relationship after all.
A Whisper & A Roar 