Last Friday I got my third shot of testosterone. My partners have been pointing out little changes they have noticed but that I don’t see. This weekend, however, I’ve noticed my throat going rougher and my voice deeper. I can’t tell for sure if I’m just getting a cold or if my voice is actually changing. I don’t have any other symptoms of a cold though. Also, other trans guys have mentioned sore throats and having to clear their throats as a part of voice change. I’m deciding to assume it is a voice change.
I had something happen on the phone this morning. I was talking to our veterinary assistant about refilling some prescriptions. She said she’d call me back when our veterinarian approved the refill. When she called I answered with that girly high-pitched “hello” that afab (assigned female at birth) people are trained to do. I’m still trying to train out of pitching my voice higher when talking to people I need to help me. The vet tech said “Um, I’m not sure who I was talking to earlier….” I told her it was me she had been talking to. She didn’t recognize my girly hello! She recognized my deeper, speaking voice that I returned to though. That was the first outside family confirmation that something was changing.
I’m both excited and scared of this change. It is scary to enter into a non-stealthy place about my trans-ness. I’m starting to wear my non-binary identity out in public, were anyone can see. This is what I want though. I thought for a long time about how I want to present in the world. This is who I really am inside and it is time for me to be that on the outside as well.